Rewriting the Classics

They should all be parenting books

The classics need an overhaul. Yes, they are pillars of the literary world. Required reading for students around the globe. The sentinels of literary greatness that aspiring writers hope to one day stand alongside. I can’t say I enjoy them all, but I can appreciate their position as literary masterpieces. With that said, I would pay good money for them to be remade (drum roll, please) as parenting books. Before you scoff in scorn, let me give you some examples: 

Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 
How to handle the mind-boggling shifts in toddler temperament

Have you ever been confused by the sudden descent into rage-filled tantrums over a mis-peeled banana and then witnessed the lightning-fast shift into a chubby cheeked cherub the moment a new, properly peeled banana is proffered? If you, too, have ever been befuddled by these not-so-subtle shifts in behavior, then this book is for you. 

Frankenstein 
Scientifically proven methods for dealing with teenagers 

You thought you were creating the perfect being, but now it talks back and won’t follow directions. (You’re also worried it may destroy the house.) In this book, you will find proven strategies for dealing with your creation gone wrong. 

Tales from 1001 Nights 
Bedtime stories for those endless nights

There’s no such thing as an easy bedtime routine, but we’ve included a bunch of stories that may help you remain sane through the process. We wish you luck and God’s speed. 

The Jungle Book 
Advice for those raising feral children

Is your child too wild for human civilization? We’ve gathered advice from professionals in every field of child development so that you don’t have to hire a pack of wolves to raise them. 

The Scarlet Pimpernel 
Parenting Decoded

Parenting requires taking on several different identities. We’ll show you how to enjoy it! 

The Swiss Family Robinson
Practical advice for family vacations 

Don’t take them. Everything will go wrong, and you will regret the whole misadventure.

The Scarlet Letter 
How to handle being judged by fellow parents, family, and your own child 

We’ve included a scarlet letter in the book. You might as well sew it on now because no one is going to approve of the way you’re raising your child. Not even your child. 

Dracula
You will never sleep again. 

Everyone likes to proffer advice for getting your little one to sleep peacefully through the night in their own bed. This book is not like that. In this book, you will find acknowledgments and support in facing the fact that you will never again sleep peacefully through the night. Ever. 

Sherlock Holmes
A guide to solving parenting mysteries

Have you ever wondered who put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet? Maybe you’ve asked yourself, “Who leaves dirty dishes under a bed?!” As you read this book, you will gain the basic detective skills needed for a successful parental investigation. 

War and Peace 
How to handle sibling disputes 

There will be moments of peace, and there will be years of war. Prepare yourself. 

Parenting is hard. We could all use a little more comedic relief and tongue-in-cheek parenting advice. Many other classics, or current books, could be overhauled as parenting books that I would quite happily spend my money on.

Which of the books above would you buy? What are some books that you would suggest being rewritten? 

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